Girls today are often told that to attract boys, they must be physically available. “Hookup” culture has become normalized.
But is that really what guys want?
What is Hookup Culture?
Hookup culture is when people are physically intimate with different partners, supposedly without emotional attachment or deeper commitment. They view bodies as objects and believe they can do whatever they want with them — no different than eating pizza. But is this how things pan out in real life?
A student named Naomi, who was interviewed by Rolling Stone magazine, summarized it this way: “People assume that there are two very distinct elements in a relationship, one emotional, and one sexual, and they pretend like there are clear lines between them.”
Girls Gone Mild
Girls are told that to avoid seeming pathetic, they should get in on hookup culture. If they feel emotional, hurt, or lonely, they are labeled “needy” or “immature.” Basically, girls are expected to keep it cool, make themselves sexually available, and even break things off with the guys before they get dumped first.
For many girls today, sex is no longer an act of freedom or rebellion as it was considered a generation ago. Today, hookup culture has turned free sex into a scripted act of conformity.
The book Girls Gone Mild describes how many girls – as a result of their mom’s “wildness” – feel pressured to go along “mildly” with hookup culture.
But is it possible to divorce your emotions from your body?
Is it possible to switch partners like fast food restaurants and never feel hurt, used, or lonely? Researcher Donna Freitas interviewed hundreds of college-aged young adults involved in hook-up culture. She summarized her results by saying: “regardless of what students brag about or tell their friends, most are terrible at shutting out the emotional dimensions of sexual intimacy.”
The truth is that while many people *pretend* to feel nothing, the reality is very different.
Freitas found that of the students surveyed, 41 percent reported “being saddened by hookups as it made them feel “sad” and “used.”
She said, “Many people in my study felt as if they were the only people on campus not happy with the hookup culture,” she said. “There is a lot of alienation, as a lot of people have a fear of speaking up.”
“Young people are trying to live out a worldview that doesn’t match their true nature, and it is tearing them apart with its pain and heartache.”
–Nancy Pearcy, Love Thy Body
Are You Interested in A Committed Relationship?
But what if you are different? Not interested in hookup culture? Are you seeking a committed relationship, but your boyfriend pressures you for physical intimacy?
Perhaps he promises that sex will make you closer and that he *will* stick around after.
Is quick, easy physical intimacy really what boys want?
The answer is YES and NO.
Guys are often driven by appetite. This means if it’s offered, some guys will take it. The truth is, however, that – whether they realize it or not – this is not what they ultimately want.
Granted, the wrong kind of guy only cares about getting you into bed. He moves from girl to girl, gaining notches on the bedpost and quick, cheap thrills (and probably some STDs), but that is not the sort of guy you should want. Don’t fall for the player.
Usually, once he gets what he wants, players are gone for good. This kind of man will often pressure women to get abortions so they can sidestep the consequences of their actions.
You should want a guy who will CHERISH, HONOR, and PRIZE you. If you sell yourself short physically, a good guy will likely decide that YOU are not right for him.
If you respect yourself and your body, that tells him that you are worth prizing and honoring. And you ARE worth much more than a one-night stand! In protecting and respecting yourself and your body, he will prize you instead of seeing you merely as a collection of body parts.
If you are not easily swayed and pressured by hookup culture, if you know your mind, you’re strong and respect yourself, that will attract the right kind of guy, and you should want the RIGHT guy.
Want to Learn More?
God created man and woman to join together in marriage. Marriage is the safe zone, protecting physical intimacy within the boundaries of commitment. A place in which both partners are prized, respected, and valued.
If you would like to learn more about healthy relationships and Christian marriage, visit or call Choices Pregnancy Centers today! We offer classes and a caring staff who would love to talk to you.
